Dots should not be stressful

I went to a Superbowl party at a friend's house last weekend.  (Don't worry, this post isn't about sports.)  He's done some renovations recently and it's looking pretty good.  Why this is important will become clear soon.  Stay with me.


I'm sure you've been to a sports-related party before.  You know how these things go.  There's lots of food and you're having a good time with your friends, and...  Well, lets be honest.  There's beer.  Not that that's a bad thing.  But it caused me considerable stress.  Don't make any assumptions here, I'm about to explain what the heck beer has to do with dots.


So midway through the football game, the beers inform me it's time to hit the ladies room.  (Or men's room because this is a bachelor pad?  I'm not sure on this point.  Another item to add to the list of random things I ponder, I guess)  Anyway.  I head to the bathroom and notice there is a new understated vanity/sink combo and new tile flooring.  This is nice.  I like.  Everything is going great.  I finish my business, turn around and am confronted by a most complexing problem.


The new toilet has no flush handle.  It possesses some novel technology that I am not privy to (Ha!  Privy!  See what I did there?)  There are two buttons on the top of the tank.  One has three dots.  The other has six.


*Insert moment of panicked confusion here*


My train of thought at this point is something like "Dots??  A choice of a number of dots?  Was I supposed to be counting?  Like: Dot-mississipi, dot-mississipi, dot-mississip?  Wait, that doesn't make sense.  Does this have something to do with how many squares of toilet paper I used?  Is there a manual in here somewhere?  Should I call for help?"  Rest assured, I am a big girl and I did not call for help.  I can figure this out for myself.  I mean, I once fixed a rusted-out muffler with an empty soda can and some electrical tape.  I am resourceful.  I can do this!


Obviously, there is something I missed along the way.  Maybe I haven't seen a new toilet lately?  Maybe I don't go to enough "fancy" places?


So what do I do?  I bite the bullet and I press the 3-dot button.  And wait.  And cross my fingers.


Crisis averted!!!


I head back to the party and continue to watch that golf tournament or whatever it was that was on the TV.