Dear Prednisone:
It seems our time together is coming to an end. It’s been a really fun and interesting twelve years (off and on, I know, but I just couldn’t stay away!). Sadly, my new medication is keeping my chronic illness at bay, and it looks like I won’t be needing your assistance in the future.
Not that I won’t miss you. I mean, who could forget all the long nights we spent together, with you giving me insomnia, night sweats, headaches and paranoid dreams? You made me feel so young, too. The acne really brought me back to my high school years.
I’ll genuinely miss having to worry every day that you were leaching calcium out of my bones and possibly causing me ulcers, an enlarged liver, nerve damage and cataracts.
And the rage!!! How fun was that? I took such joy from being someone completely different than my normal self. I would never typically spend entire days furious with the world, ready to punch the first person who spoke to me / looked at me / stood near me. Seeing the world from this new perspective was truly interesting.
Most of all, I’ll miss the insane hunger, weight gain and bloating that you gave me. (The first time we were together, I gained 30 pounds in three months. You introduced me to stretch marks! I’ll always remember that fondly….)
Nevertheless, it’s time for me to move on. And while I plan on losing all the weight we worked so hard for, I just have one small request….. Can I keep the boobs?
